Eternal Perspectives

I’m thinking about coming out with my own new paraphrase of the Bible. There is little doubt in my mind about the inestimable market for this idea and how widely it will be embraced. It is a version whose time has come, as I’m sure you’ll agree.

Let me give you a taste of what this will be like (following the practice of The Amplified Bible, my additions will be italicized with the NASB text in boldface font). Here’s a sampling of my new version – which I’m calling the “Non-abusive Version Expanded Loquaciously (NaVEL) – that improves and sanitizes a famous verse from the life of Jesus Christ:

Now, I realize that this is only My perception of things but – even though I have laid aside certain aspects of My divine nature – I hope and pray that there is something you might find helpful or at least heuristic in my words. I say this as someone who cares, not as an enemy. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Even though I use the somewhat-loaded words “woe” and “hypocrites,” I am doing this only to get your attention and with the hope that it may enable Me to connect with you in a meaningful way. For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful – and on the outside you really are beautiful, so white and freshly washed, and my hope in saying any of this is so that your inward nature might approach the wonderful person you seem to be on the outside – but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. Please don’t fail to note that I said that you “are like” these things, not that you actually are. I’m not saying, or, at least, I don’t mean to imply that you are somehow defiled or defiling others. I’m just trying to help. Sorry if I’ve gone too far.” – Mt 23.27 (NaVEL)

It’s obvious and remarkably instructive how my version facilitates connecting with the lost! It is no less effective, however, in speaking with fellow believers, as is apparent from another famous verse from the lips of our Lord and Savior:

But turning around – by which I am not at all suggesting that Jesus was repenting at this point, since the Greek word here is different from that which is typically translated ‘repented’ wherever it occurs – and seeing His disciples, He rebuked Peter, in the nicest and least offensive fashion possible, in that He was perfect, and *said, ‘Get behind Me, Satan; (although when I say ‘Satan’ I’m being figurative and with a twinkle in My eye and a smile on My face, thus letting you know that you shouldn’t take this too seriously and certainly not personally) for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s, even though there’s nothing at all wrong with your interests: some of your observations and ideas may (and probably many times are) superior to My own. But you might want to consider that in this particular instance I could be correct.‘” – Mk 8.33 (NaVEL)

Again, we see the strength of the NaVEL: not only does it put Jesus in a better, more socially acceptable light but it also cleans up the language of the gospel writer by explaining some choices of words that could have been better. (You also may have noticed my own clever marketing scheme, i.e., “NaVEL.” This way “Quiet Times” can be replaced with the more appropriate “NaVEL Gazing”!)

This stroke (of genius) came to me this morning as I was writing a comment elsewhere and became aware of how much I was bending over (backwards, I think) to make sure that I wasn’t misunderstood or taken the wrong way by the author of the post or any of his sycophants that might be lurking in the cybershadows, waiting to pounce at the first whiff of criticism.

Shifting gears (to a more serious consideration of this phenomenon), this seems to be required and necessary a great majority of the time on far too many Christian blogs, but the essential question is, “Why is it necessary?” Are our egos so inflated that we are unable to accept criticism, even when it is poorly offerred? Time and time again I find myself carefully crafting a comment so that (a) it will very difficult to shoot the messenger, and (b) it will be hard or next to impossible to seize upon a minor, parenthetical comment and ignore the heart of the criticism.

Take, for example, the subtitle of this post. I added the “apology” to Calvinists because “Tulip” is a word that has theological value for them. I doubt that Tiny Tim had them in mind when he grabbed his ukulele and sang “Tiptoe through the Tulips” on television during the last century. But since many Reformed bloggers and readers are easily offended, I put up a disclaimer – albeit only partially serious.

The truth is that no single denomination – whether Reformed or Unreformed – has the corner on an inflated sense of self-importance. We all do and we would all do well to let a lot of air our of our puffed up egos. We take ourselves far too seriously and then regard the message far less seriously than we should. I am as susceptible as many, I suppose, to imagining that others are guilty for hurting my feelings – but I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard. (Guess the reference, win a prize.)

Why I or anyone else should imagine that we are above being maligned, misrepresented, and mistreated by others is beyond me. After all, none of us is really that important. As Christians, we should be quick to state the obvious when some of our own strut around like peacocks in their new Emperor’s clothes; as those who are caught naked, we should be quick to repent and thank a brother for their faithful wounds. And we should avoid those who plant deceitful kisses on our backsides.

Too often, my toes get stepped on because I’ve got them sticking out where they don’t belong. That is, I take offense even when none is given. That, without question, was the problem of the Pharisees, Sadduccees, scribes, and others during Christ’s days: they drew and we draw circles or boundaries that are far too restrictive or expansive. Too restrictive in that we don’t tolerate the criticisms of others very well; too expansive in that our sense of personal holiness is violated with Pharisaical regularity.

The bottom line is this: we need to stop whining about how someone said what they said and, instead, pay attention to what they said. It may be God trying to reach us through them but, if we’re always disqualifying the messenger because they don’t meet our unbiblical standards of niceties, we’re asking for God to body-slam us into true spiritual awareness and sensitivity.

Here’s my vow, as of today: I will not intentionally give offense to anyone, but neither will I tiptoe around the ridiculous, tender, over-developed sensibilities of others. I’ll speak straight and directly in (hopefully) language that is at once easily understood and gracious. I’ll try to speak the truth in love, not the truth in some 21st century, misguided, impotent, non-offensive gibberish that winds up saying nothing. That’s not love.

If I offend others, I’ll apologize; if others take offense, I’ll remember two things: one, that what other people think of me is none of my business and, two, my life-verse: “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way” (lk 6.26).

It’s important to have the right enemies, after all, and to have the wrong people saying wrong things about you.