There are things that make me cry; all seem to have to do with either loss or joy. Sensing the presence of God on rare occasions will well my eyes with tears; movies as disparate as “Affliction” and “The Natural” have done it, but music is the usual backdoor to my heart. Not Christian music, which I find too illusory or adolescent to connect with, but music that accomplishes both cerebral and visceral absorption.

There are few who do this any better that Eric Clapton.

A few months ago, I bought “Unplugged,” the DVD of Clapton’s live, acoustic performance for MTV back in the early ’90s; I quickly purchased the CD, too, so I could enjoy his music while doing other things. Then I considered the order in which he had performed his music during the concert in 1992. And then I cried for him and - to a lesser extent but no less selfishly - for myself.

In 1991 Conor, the four-year-old son of Eric and model Lory Del Santo, fell 53 stories to his death. The death rocked Clapton’s world, resulting in the guilt-ridden song, “Tears in Heaven.”

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I’ll find my way
Through night and day,
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There’s peace I’m sure,
And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.
- Tears In Heaven, by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings

Anyone with a heart who knows what precipitated the song cannot help but be moved by a father’s grief over the death of his son and his own guilt for not having done more. It is a remorseful, tragic song reflecting Clapton’s regret and guilt over having been a poor and absent father. Drugs, alcohol, infidelity, and a general preoccupation with his own needs were some of the things he chose over his son; Conor’s fall crashed through Clapton’s defenses and broke him. I am always moved and inspired to be a better father after listening to the song. It chokes me up sometimes.

But “Tears in Heaven” does not make me cry. What exposes me and floods my head with my heart is the song that Clapton chose to perform next: “Lonely Stranger.” I cannot believe that the order is unintentional and the two songs must be considered together, perhaps even as one. Whether the latter was written prior to the former is insignificant; what is telling is Clapton’s ordering of the songs in his concert.

I must be invisible;
No one knows me.
I have crawled down dead-end streets
On my hands and knees.

I was born with a ragin’ thirst,
A hunger to be free,
But I’ve learned through the years.
Don’t encourage me.

    ‘Cause I’m a lonely stranger here,
    Well beyond my day.
    And I don’t know what’s goin’ on,
    So I’ll be on my way.

When I walk, stay behind;
Don’t get close to me,
‘Cause it’s sure to end in tears,
So just let me be.

Some will say that I’m no good;
Maybe I agree.
Take a look then walk away.
That’s all right with me.

    ‘Cause I’m a lonely stranger here,
    Well beyond my day.
    And I don’t know what’s goin’ on,
    So I’ll be on my way.

- Lonely Stranger, by Eric Clapton

Some of my tears, as mentioned before, are selfish: I - we all - have felt unknown and lonely at times in our lives. Most of the tears, however, are for Clapton and the millions like him, people without hope in the world or in the world to come. They are lonely strangers, regardless of what they do to distract themselves from an existential moment and fact. I see them in my office day after day; some are believers, having become more American than Christian and forgotten the true hope that is theirs. Others are non-Christians, without hope in the world.

As a Christian, I can endure such moments of loneliness: I know a Day is coming when all my longings to know and be known will be replaced with intimacy. It is my hope in Christ that keeps me moving forward.

But for the Eric Claptons of the world, there is no hope to fall back on. Just loneliness and a gnawing awareness of being a stranger who doesn’t know what’s going on. Knowing that they don’t belong in heaven and existing as lonely strangers while they are here.


2 Cor 1.13