Stories of pain similar to what follows are not uncommon in my work, but they still are difficult to hear. This one comes from an anonymous lady who is wrestling with the consequences and questions caused by her decisions in the past; she wrote this comment in response to my post Having Your Reward in Full:

I have been reading this blog for quite awhile and decided today to “de-lurk” and leave a comment. The entry was very sobering, and, as usual, well-written, clear and concise. I am now wondering about the biblical status of my own marriage, inasmuch as I initiated my divorce from my first husband, after three separations and multiple “indiscretions” - he actually wanted to come back three or four months after he had departed for the last time but I refused to allow him to once again use the revolving door the marriage had become. Hmmmm.

Two marriages later (entered into with unbelievers at a time when I was so angry I didn’t care what happened to me; flagrant acts of disobedience that ended when both departed and filed for divorce), I am now married to my 4th husband, a believer, who was divorced by his wife, also a believer, after she had committed her own acts of indiscretion, probably out of desperation and need, and SHE is married to ANOTHER believer who was also divorced by HIS wife (God must be truly appalled - I am, just reading these words)…everyone involved this sad drama bears some measure of responsibility and some burden of blame. There is much, much more to the story - but I now wonder…should we be in this arrangement at all? I have long since repented of my actions and have come to understand what was driving my behavior in those days. Even though the damage is done and I can in no way undo what happened then, I STILL wonder if I am NOW in a sinful arrangement and if so, what should be done to rectify the situation.

The pain and confusion are obvious. It is risky to respond since I have just a smattering of information, but here’s the best counsel I can come up with. I’m pretty sure it’s biblical.

First, the situation you are now in is the situation you are in. Stay in it. There is no warrant to divorce: it will not erase the past and will only further complicate the future. Thank God for what you do have - a believing husband who (hopefully) is willing to work on the marriage and remain true to you. It is not wrong to stay in your present marriage; divorce likely would be less-than pleasing to God.
It is true that God required the priests in Ezra to divorce their foreign wives, but that was necessary for their ritual and ceremonial purity. The priests could not minister in the temple on behalf of the people if they remained in the unbiblical marriages. Before the temple was rebuilt, this was not a problem; once Ezra oversaw the rebuilding of the temple and the re-institution of the sacrifices, however, the need for a cleansed priesthood arose.

As Christians, we are cleansed by the blood of Christ following repentance. We are priests, it is true, but we have a High Priest - Jesus - who intervenes for us and all believers. We can be in marriages with unbelievers or divorced people and still be in fellowship with God: that is grace upon grace. Divorce would be unwise and unnecessary for you.

When I wrote the previous post, I had in mind those remarried Christians who have not repented for their own sins that led to the end of previous marriages. My target were those who hold up divorce as a way to be happy and “get it right” this time. People such as yourself - who are aware of their sins and repentant - are not necessarily consigned to rewards in this lifetime only. With repentance, such as you have expressed, there is forgiveness and the hope of future rewards.

God is certainly able to bless your present marriage and all that grows out of it. He forgives when we confess, washes us clean, and restores us to fellowship with Him.

Personally, I would much rather hear the kind of testimony you gave in your comment than what I discussed in the post. Yours is honest, humble, and - as strange as it might seem to you - edifying. You seem to be honoring God with you lips and your heart seems to be very close to Him, too.

Remember what was said of our Messiah: “a battered reed He will not break off, and a smoldering wick He will not put out.” He has not given up on you or your present marriage; there is no need for you to give up, either.


2 Cor 1.13