Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full . . .

“When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full . . .

“Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.” - Mt 6, NASB

We have all heard it, I suppose, or at least heard of it. The married couple gives a testimony and, somewhere in the midst of it, comes the announcement:

    “I was married once before but got divorced after (insert one: 5/10/15/30) long and difficult (years/months/weeks/minutes). God has so blessed my present marriage and I just want to praise Him for it!”

Many times, maybe even most of the time, this is a legitimate praise to God: the person making the statement was mercifully allowed to escape a dead marriage and God has graciously coupled them with someone much better suited to live in a marriage that glorifies Him. Perhaps the person was not a Christian when they divorced or maybe the other spouse was unfaithful - regardless of the specifics, there were biblical grounds for the divorce or the person speaking was the unwilling recipient of divorce papers. Praise God for such marriages!

Sometimes, however, the story is different. Once in awhile it is discovered that the divorce was initiated by the speaker, who was a Christian at the time but had decided that there were compelling (but not biblical) reasons to end the marriage. The marriage was to an unbeliever who, though willing to stay, “hurt” the speaker’s relationship with God or didn’t allow them to “be myself.” Or they’ve suddenly met their “soulmate” - which is in reality just their “fleshmate” - and have been “led” or “told” by God that divorce is OK in this situation. And - look! - it’s turned out so wonderfully and now they’re doing such great things for God with their new partner. Praise God, eh?

The worst - and not many of you hear this regularly, I suspect - is the Christian who is unhappily married (like their spouse isn’t?!?) and has heard a “testimony” similar to the ones above. The conclusion is that if it worked for them, it will work for me. Surely God doesn’t want us in an unhappy, loveless marriage, does He? I’ll be rewarded, won’t I?.

Well, yes and no.

What I say to people in such situations is what Jesus repeats in the verses quoted above: “they have their reward in full.” I have no reason to question or doubt the honesty of such people who have been unbiblically divorced and remarried, who then proclaim their happiness and sense of fulfillment. In fact, I hope they squeeze all they can out of it. Because, I’m convinced, it’s all they’re going to get.

Any Christian in a loveless, hurtful marriage that lacks biblical warrant for a divorce has to make a choice: do I want rewards in heaven for faithfulness to God or rewards in this lifetime by divorcing and marrying someone else?

What is revealed at such times is whether or not a person really believes the Bible, really believes that God is a rewarder of those who seek Him, really believes that their life is not their own and thus they might have to suffer for the glory of God. If God wants to end a marriage, He can do it in a heartbeat - literally. Ask Ezekiel. As the widow or widower at a funeral. Ask thousands of suddenly single people all along the Gulf Coast right now. God not only can but does end marriages every day. He doesn’t hesitate. He has His purposes (without apology to open theists).

The depth or (perhaps) reality of a person’s faith is revealed in a loveless marriage. What is more important: your happiness or God’s purposes? What matters more: a bowl of porridge now or a birthright later on? Olympic sex or eternal crowns? You or God?

You can pursue an unbiblical divorce and/or remarriage and have your reward now or you can persevere and wait. But you can’t have it both ways: you will either suffer momentary, light affliction in order to lay hold of an eternal weight of glory, or enjoy the pleasure of sin for a season. If the latter, it will be all the reward you will ever get.

But you will, of course, have it in full.


These verses have another application for marriage, one that needs to be heeded by a lot spouses; in my experience, it especially needs to be applied by a lot of Christian husbands. It has to do with the principle of performing our acts of righteousness in the sight of God, not in the sight of our spouse.

I don’t know how many times I have counseled a husband to begin doing the things he should have been doing all along, things his wife has been nagging him about for years. Help with the housework. Be nice. Notice her. Talk to her. And (especially) actually listen to her. (I say these things as a reforming bad husband myself.)

And so Joe Christian, the suddenly enlightened husband, goes home and performs. He helps. He listens. He talks. He walks. When he has finished his heroic sacrifice, he says:

    “I hope you noticed what I just did/didn’t automatically do/say/punch!”

And then he can’t understand why his wife doesn’t fall at his feet in utter adoration, crying out with praise to God for the blessing He has bestowed upon His humble daughter.

Anything and everything we do - and especially in marriage - must not be done with an eye on our earthly audience. It simply will not work. First of all, I don’t think God will bless such self-serving, self-aggrandizing motivations. He wants our service to be for Him and no one else.

Second, our wives are never fooled by such shallowness. They respond with scorn, mocking, and more anger than before - which causes husbands to conclude that they are misunderstood and unappreciated, truly called to martyrdom and suffering. In reality, our wives understand us all-too well and keenly appreciate what we’re trying to do.

I’m not talking about someone who sincerely but poorly tries to serve his wife as a manifestation of serving God. We all do badly, even on our best days. Grace and mercy are indispensable in marriage. No, I’m talking about behavior that is ultimately manipulative and selfish, designed to score points with our spouse and get what we want - which, for husbands, usually involves the bedroom and four minutes.

As an old Southern Baptist preacher said, “God is the audience. Everybody else is just eavesdropping.” All of us, although I speak most directly to husbands, are to live our lives in the sight of God and to look to Him and Him only for approval. We are to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, not on our spouse for her approval. When we seek to serve Christ and Him alone, we will lay up treasures in heaven.

Remarkably, if this is how a man loves his wife, he will not only have rewards in heaven but will also be rewarded in this lifetime. Even in the bedroom. And for a lot, lot longer than four minutes.


2 Cor 1.13