Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Pr 22.6

I wish I knew how many times I have been approached by parents of small children and asked about this verse; I wish I knew because I would like to be able to go back and correct the stupid things I said to them.

Here’s the empty-headed, psychologically-informed advice I used to give them:

    “The Hebrew word here actually means ‘according to his way,’ not ‘in the way he should go.’ What Solomon is saying is that each child needs to be brought up according to his or her distinct, unique personality, according to the temperament God has given to each one of them. If we are faithful in doing that, then our children will grow up to be more consistent, less conflicted adults.

    “This is not a promise that our children will remain true to the faith if we are faithful in raising them that way.”

That’s what I said, believing it to be the truth. Sadly, I believed it was the truth because of some Christian psychologist I read or heard somewhere along the way. Being the Berean that I am, however, I did go home and do a word study and found that – by golly! – the Hebrew word can mean “manner.” Of course, in 697 occurences it does not mean “manner,” but a whopping 8 times it does! Case closed. How would you like to pay for my great wisdom?

What never dawned on me was to ask one of the most basic questions of exegesis and exposition: what would the original audience have understood the text to mean? Personally, I have a hard time believing that the following conversation (or anything like it) ever transpired 4,000 years ago:

    Isaac: “Uh, Becky, what’s up with Jake? He’s been a little less than candid about some of the stuff he’s been doing lately.”
    Rebekah: “Zack, you know how he is! He’s just being a boy!”
    Isaac: “Yeah? Well, I don’t want him to grow up to be a boy! I want him to be a man! Where’s my rod of correction?”
    Rebekah: “Don’t you dare hit him! Don’t you know that – someday a thousand years or so from now – someone’s going to write that we should raise our children according to their temperaments? This is simply who Jacob is! Why do you want to interfere with the plan of God?”
    Isaac: “What?!?”
    Rebekah: “You heard me. Now put down that rod and go hunting with Esau, would you? I want to talk to Jacob about some matters concerning the family will and the birthright.”

Maybe it’s me, but I just can’t believe the ancient Hebrews were so child-centered that they spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out the personality of each little darling. They seemed to be a lot more interested in character than personality or temperament.

I also doubt that “manner” is the meaning in mind in Pr 22.6 because of Pr 22.15:

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

How can I smack the snot out of my child without doing harm to his precious little psyche? I’m not talking about abusing a child, but giving him a swat to teach him (a) some behaviors are acceptable and some are not, and (b) there are consequences to behaviors, not all of which are pleasant.

The simple truth is that proverbs are general sayings, general truths that – more often than not – wind up being true. There are exceptions. Sometimes good parents have lousy kids, sometimes lousy parents have good kids. For the most part, however parents train a child – whether in paths of righteousness or not – is how that child is going to behave when she is an adult.

That’s what the verse means. Not all the psychobabble or theobabble in the world will change that.


2 Cor 1:13