…You might be a Dispensationalist
1. If more than one of your children is named Ryrie, Chafer or Darby…
2. If you get excited when you see a sentence with a parenthesis…
3. If you license plate reads: “IM PR TRB”…
4. If you believe the musical “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” contains an apocalyptic message…
5. If your bedroom, office and car all have sky-lights…
6. If you have ever stated: “Well, Lindsey said…”
7. If there are more underlined sentences in your copy of “Late Great Planet Earth” than in your Bible…
8. If you own a copy of “Late Great Planet Earth”…
9. If you consider Tommy Ice an authority on anything…
10. If your Pastor gives a sermon exclusively from the New Scofield Bible study notes…
11. If you’ve eve had more than three candidates for the AntiChrist at one time…
12. If you think Saddam Hussein’s name means 666 in more than three languages…
13. If you took Hal Lindsey’s advice twenty years ago not to make any long term plans and are now broke, uneducated and in a dead-end job…
14. If bar-codes make you nervous…
15. If you’ve only been a Christian for one year and your Pastor has preached through the book of Revelation more than two times…
16. If you make sure there’s at least one non-Christian pilot on every flight you take…
17. If your church has adopted the 60’s song “Up, Up and Away” as a hymn…
18. If you think the Ryrie Study Bible notes are part of the original autographs…
19. If you’ve already forgotten the last wrongly predicted date of the rapture…
20. If you already know the next predicted date for the rapture…
21. If you’re still suspicious about Gorbachev’s birthMARK…
22. If you believe that Grant Jeffrey, Tommy Ice, Dave Hunt or Hal Lindsey is a theologian…
23. If you know the location of the European Central Bank…
24. If you’ve ruined more than five records trying to find backward messages…
25. If you count trampoline aerobics as “Rapture Practice” in your morning devotions…
26. If you think Texe Marrs’ books belong in the theology section of your local Christian bookstore…
27. If you never stand on your head out of the fear that the rapture will send you the wrong direction…
28. If your baby’s stroller has a break-away sun bonnet…
29. If you always chew gum so your ears won’t pop at the rapture…
30. If you can name more dispensations than commandments…
31. If Clarence Larkin is your favorite artist…
32. If you know who Clarence Larkin is…
33. If your children’s favorite game is Pre-Trib-Hide-and-Seek, “Now you see me, now you don’t”…
34. If you think the four millennial positions are: Pre-Trib, Mid-Trib, Post-Trib and Liberal…
35. If your favorite party game is “Pin the tail on the Beast”…
36. If your favorite CrackerJacks prize is a temporary tattoo of the Mark of the Beast…
37. If you think John Walvoord, CI Scofield and J N Darby are some of the Church Fathers…
38. If your favorite one-volume commentary on the Bible is on “The Bible Code”… (Jon B.)
39. If your favorite multi-volume commentary on this morning’s newspaper is the Bible…(Jane D.)

-Ethan E. Harris and Anonymous [he wishes not to be named...I dont' care]