On Sat, 04-23-05 4:06 pm
Nancy Pearcey in Total Truth (see link in sidebar) makes the following observations:
When our natural needs become a cause of anger and bitterness, or a reason to oppress or attack others, then we must say no to them as well. For example, it’s perfectly proper to want intimacy and respect in our marriage. But people are sinners, and at times even Christian spouses may find themselves lonely and unloved. Then one of two things will happen: Either we will become angry and reject the other person - or we will learn how to die to even our valid personal needs, and trust God to work good even in an imperfect situation.
“As Martin Luther put it, Christians embrace a theology of the cross, not a theology of glory . . . True knowledge of Christ comes only as we are willing to give up our dreams of glory, praying to be identified with Him on the cross.” - p. 357, 358
This is not a popular idea but, if we are truly to resist being conformed to this world as we are commanded to be, we will have to be willing to suffer. This is not to say that there are not times when divorce becomes a necessary, lesser-of-two-evils course of action or that we have not been called to peace. It is to make a strong statement that God is pro-marriage and we need to be committed to it even as He is. And not just the institution of marriage, but our own marriage, regardless of how difficult or troubled it at times might be.
May 3rd, 2005 at 9:39 am
When our natural needs become a cause of anger and bitterness, or a reason to oppress or attack others, then we must say no to them as well. For example, it’s perfectly proper to want intimacy and respect in our marriage. But people are sinners, and at times even Christian spouses may find themselves lonely and unloved. Then one of two things will happen: Either we will become angry and reject the other person - or we will learn how to die to even our valid personal needs, and trust God to work good even in an imperfect situation. —–
The post above IS my current situation. Consider this. I am the man and feel unloved and not valued in my marriage. My wife has been previously married, but it was 15 years ago. She loves me…I know she does. I just don’t feel valued. My mind starts filling with negative thoughts that challenge what I know to be right. For those in similar situations, I recommend the book SACRED MARRIAGE by Gary Thomas. It reminds us that God works though our marriages to bring us closer to Him.
January 12th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Please understand that the tone of this message is determined by my frustration with my own circumstances.
I am so tired of hearing everyone tell me that I am obligated to remain in a marrage where for 20 years my needs have been ignored.
I know my wife loves me as well, but so what. I am empty and tired. I have built a life around a marrage that just doesn’t meet my needs. I just think that in a marrage it takes two people to make it work one cannot do it alone.