I have had two careers so far in my life: a dozen-plus years as a writer/journalist for a daily newspaper and c. 20 years as a mental health therapist. Spurred on by these two interests, I at times indulge myself by surfing over to some of the more flagrant and blatant narcissistic Godblogs where I take some sadistic pleasure as I read and analyze their writings.

(In writing all of this, I realize that I open myself up to the charge of being guilty of the same, i.e., that I am as narcissistic as anyone else. Perhaps I am – after all, it takes a bit of narcissism to have a blog and assume that others will want to read it! – but I think I keep the clinically significant displays of narcissism safely tucked away for the most part. If you only knew . . . )

The bloggers I’m talking about, however, fall into that most-regretable and hardest-to-endure category: the ones who never stop to consider that they might actually be narcissistic!

How can you spot a member of the Blogdom of Narcissism? There are a number of things that give them away.

    First, while they appear to be writing about this subject or that issue, the post is actually about them. It begins with statements about the supposed subject matter, but it soon becomes apparent that it is really meant to draw attention away from everything but him/herself. As a result, the reader usually knows more about the author than about the subject. And usually not much at all about Christ.

(This does not include those blogs and posts that are intended to be about the author, i.e., those that are a slice of life or an actual journal of the person’s life. I like reading those, too, but do not find them narcissistic at all. They’re just a window into someone’s life and soul, opened by someone strong and open enough to do so.)

    Second, there is generally a detectable tone or theme in their posts that reveals a subtle (or not-so subtle) attitude of smugness and superiority to their peers – not that they think they actually have any peers! A hint of condescension is usually present as they enlighten their readers. The reader is meant to have a sense of awe upon concluding the post.
    They are also convinced of their own uniqueness and their posts are usually disclosures of their own superior, private insight or understanding that sets them apart from everyone else. Their theology – which tends to be more chaotic than eclectic – is unlike anyone else’s or, failing that, is obscure and held only by a few. And, of course, they will have come to this understanding by virtue of their own studies. Lacking a strong sense of identity, these narcissists define themselves by what they are not and swim upstream to allow the current to outline their otherwise difuse sense of self.

    Fourth, they enjoy being in the role of lightning rod and/or martyr. It is important to them to be misunderstood, maligned, and – especially – martyred for being different. They identify with Einstein’s statement about great spirits suffering because of mediocre minds. Part of their self-concept is that they are beyond comprehension.
    Finally, they are incredible manipulators. They split their readers into warring camps, having captivated some (who need a “great mind” to admire and adore, or a rebel to follow) while irritating others (who are beginning to notice that the emperor not only has no clothes, but has an ugly body, too!). Such division-making behavior is usually the domain of borderline personalities, but narcissists can be quite adept at it as well. There is a perverse gratification in seeing the body divided because of them: they think this is Christlike and that they are suffering for His sake. Actually, they’re “suffering” because they’re obnoxious.

What is troubling to me in all of this is not the narcissists themselves – they are quite content in their little universe of Me – but rather all the good-hearted people who get caught in the snare. (Actually, the good narcissists usually get a lot of comments, half from people defending them and half from people trying to help them. It’s a pretty effective way to get traffic! This is not to say, however, that all heavy-traffic bloggers are narcissistic.)

Narcissists are masters of at playing games. One game is “Yes, but . . . ” wherein the narcissist keeps the carrot dangling just out of reach. No one ever has an answer or solution that is sufficient or quite right – the narcissist revels in his or her alleged suffering and will not be rescued – and all attempts are met with a “yes, but . . . ” Which means, “try again.”

Another game is sometimes called “foil the therapist” when played for money: they pay $95 an hour to prove themselves smarter than, superior to, or incapable of being helped by the therapist. (My intervention with them is typically, “And how would you like to pay for today’s session?”) With fellow Christian bloggers, the satisfaction seems to come from drawing would-be helpers into their webs and then demonstrating how pathetic their efforts to help or understand truly are.

What can you do with individuals like this? Nothing. When Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethesda, “Do you want to be healed?”, He was making an important point: you can’t help people who don’t want help. As crazy as it may sound to most of us, these narcissists actually enjoy living like this. Their narcissism works for them. The best thing to do with and for them is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Narcissists cannot bear suffering without acclaim and the only way to “help” a narcissist is to make them unsuccessful in their games.

Is there a way to know if you are one of these narcissists? Well, I’ll offer two tips in closing.

First, if you’re afraid you might be this kind of narcissist, you probably are not. Narcissists think too highly of themselves to ever consider being one. Narcissism implies an overestimation of one’s sense of importance or superiority, and that simply can’t be the case for them: they absolutely know they are superior.

Second, if you have read this post and suspect that I have had you in mind while writing it, and you feel perturbed, indignant, and offended, then guess what?

You’re a narcissist.


2 Cor 1:13